Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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