captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
