It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
