i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
