Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
