I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
