if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
