to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
