Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
