I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
