and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
