We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
