it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize