What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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