I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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