the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think my vagina is haunted
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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