Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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