I will die if light touches me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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