I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
