I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
