just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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