Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
