I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize