then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Enjoy the penises
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
