and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize