On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
