I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
