I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
