I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
