Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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