i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
