nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
