Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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