My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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