he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
