I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
