??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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