Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
