Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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