I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
