but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
