I accidentally had phone sex last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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