All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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