He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
