I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
