I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
