He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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