Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
