3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize