i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
