He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
