So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
