how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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