what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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