It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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