There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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