And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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