the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am naked and annoyed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
