I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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