Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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