Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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