I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
