My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
