If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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