i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
