Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
