and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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