Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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