TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
