i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
