and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
