When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have post one night stand depression
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
