addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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