Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
