I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
