I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
